I'm tired of it...

I am tired of the fear. Everytime, I feel an extra heartbeat, which has been happening more often lately, I become scared that something will happen. I can't stand this sensation. It goes on a couple of times an hour. Yet, I don't want to tell anyone. For fear that I will be forced to endure the pain of surgery earlier than I need.

Fear, I say something or I don't, either way it has got me.