Take the Fight of Fear to its Home….

Anxiety is a bitch. Mean, cruel, sneaking up on me at awkward times, drowning out all other emotions to kill all the joy and progress I have made. By definition a modern bitch. The small Earl Grey tea earlier in the morning gave it needed caffeine ammunition. I have to stay away from that stuff for a while.

My medicine has made me stronger. I have not had one uncontrollable panic attack since Wednesday. The adrenaline still rushes through my veins when I drive. But I haven’t had to pull over. I still feel like my lungs are not getting completely full. But a few deep breaths and the sensation goes away quickly. So, far anyway its getting better.

And that is all I can hope for. All I expect is small steps. Normality isn’t there yet. But I see a dot of light deep down the tunnel. This will stay with me for a while. But it ain’t my heart and I am not going to need massive surgery. (No, get out of my head that thought that all doctors are wrong.) I just need to keep: taking the drugs, deep breaths and keep repeating, “I’m all right. I’m all right.” Forget those who give me weird looks. If it helps, I’ll scream it.