What is in My Heart?

Do I believe in my heart that I am well? Do I believe that I am cured and could be running at 100%? No. Honestly, without a doubt, I know ‘no’. I do not believe I am completely healed.

If I did believe, I would not have this fear. It has been two months since the type of spell that put me in the hospital. Yet, still when I feel the slightest bit lightheaded/dizzy I assume it is all beginning again. Over a month since my last trip to the ER, and still sweating palms and an increased heartbeat lead me to the conclusion this is the beginning of the end.

Everything medically checks out. The doctors promise me. When will I believe them?

Is it possible I will always have this doubt and fear in my life like my paranoia over dogs or terror in asking for a date?