Contrasting Worlds

Last night, A, his fiancée C, L and I hit the town for dinner. Appetizers at my home were followed by dinner down in the Loup. The evening was capped off with Fitz’s root beer and floats. A Monday out where a future wife and an old friend met and the world between relationship A and single A collided.

The night held the promise of great things yet to be done, life beginning and hope for the future a far different experience than a few days prior.

I spent the weekend down in Texas attending B’s funeral and hanging around with her family. The night after the service was spent playing dominos, eating tamales, telling old stories all while pretending to enjoy ourselves. I am not suggesting the laughter was forced or there was a dislike of people for each other. However, something was missing.

B’s presence was not there. She did not ask how I was calling me by both my first and last name. She did not yell and scream with the highs and lows of the games. She did not hurry around making sure all had enough to eat. Her children kept the food coming out of the fridge and the margaritas mixed, but they did so awkwardly constantly searching for the proper utensils. L tried to spice up dominos with jokes and B impressions, but they were poor shadows. No one called me by first and last name, not even in a joking way.

As last night made me look forward to the future, last weekend made hunger for the past. While my parents and their friends’ age, mine become more mature and move fully into adulthood. While I get to pass major life markers, I am forced to see those who have walked with me fall away.

None of this is unique or original I know. Yet when experiencing it, I can not help but feel unprepared. No class or book has described this accurately. No one can capture it for others, it must be experienced.