Patiently Waiting, How is it Done?….


Every time someone tells me they or a close family member are awaiting the results of a cancer test, I wonder how.

How someone goes through a weekend or even several business days with it hanging over them. Would not every moment be twisted with concern? Every thought must be centered on it. Would not sleep be the only escape and then maybe not even then?

Even if the results were positive and treatments were to be done, at least, the waiting would be over. There could be some closure and knowledge of what was making them ill.

I have always dealt with my condition relatively well, I believe. I tried to be conscious of it; yet, not let it control my life. These last few months though everything has changed. I am patiently waiting for a cure that may never come or a diagnosis that may never be clear.

As the docs like to say, ‘do to your special anatomy.” It means most of what I experience is somewhat a learning experience for them and me.

In an odd way, I am still waiting the question. The docs have the answers; they believe. If only my body would start behaving with correct questions, it would be easier.

If only my left ventricle looked worse or my blood pressure/blood oxygen level rose and fell dramatically or my lungs became congested or my gallbladder hardened or I retained fluid, then answers would be forthcoming.