The Most Frustrating Part of It All…


Is that sometimes I feel fine. I catch myself sitting or walking down the hall, and I feel like I did two and a half months ago. To write the overused cliché, it is like coming out of a dream. I ask myself: why am I here, why am I still at my parents’ house, why do I think that I am sick.

These moments can last from 10 minutes to several hours. Inevitable, I want to stand up and go home. The past few months appear not have happened. It was if a bad fantasy has ended, and I have returned to normal programming.

I am past the joy I used to experience when I feel fine. At one point, I actually jumped thrilled my suffering was over. Now, I no longer have the exuberance or optimism. At some point, an episode, small or large, or extra heartbeat occurs then I am back to square one.

What makes it frustrating is I can never fully enjoy the moments. They always end all too quickly